


I’d rather die (than give you control)

by meakashi



Category: Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Eye Trauma, Gen, GeneCo (Repo!), Introspection, Memoirs, POV : Blind Mag, POV First Person, Reading Beginning Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:55:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22686583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meakashi/pseuds/meakashi
Summary: Take these eyes ; I would rather be blind! - Told from Blind Mag’s POV
Relationships: Blind Mag | Magdalene Defoe/Marni Wallace
Kudos: 4





	I’d rather die (than give you control)

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warning: Contains graphic and detailed depictions of eye gore!
> 
> She pulled an absolute power move at the end and I wanted to explore it some more, that is all

The twenty-first of March, 2040. That was the day my very freedom and life was stolen away from me. These eyes are a curse under the guise of a blessing. They can do much more than see - they can project what’s already been seen. Sounds marvelous, yes? I never thought I’d see again.

Unfortunately, this was at the cost of my very freedom. The reveal was crushing, considering personal expression being something I value highly. Like that, my lifelong ambitions were thrown forever out of my reach.

I never would’ve done it if I had known my very contract was signed in blood. Then it’d be a question of how much I’d be willing to sacrifice to be free and express myself through my art. I could be inspiring many, but instead I’m a slave to a system, spending the my remaining hours repeating the slogans, representing geneco, singing for the masses, promoting the surgeries and selling zydrate. I belonged to geneco, they were in control and had the freedom to dispose of me whenever they pleased. 

That night, at the performance - it changed _everything. I saw her. Shiloh._

I could’ve sworn I’d saw a ghost. You could tell just by looking at her that she was of Marni’s blood - soft, doe eyes, her soft locks, her resting face appearing to be hopeful, deep in thought. My godchild, the one who I’d sworn to Marni as her honorary godmother to look after.

All these years, I’ve been told she died alongside her mother. I was lied to. Nathan lied to me. 

I’ve never bonded with anyone the way I bonded with Marni - she was the world to me. She made the unbearable bearable, brought me a sense of peace and belonging. We made so many memories together while she was alive, and she inspired me to pour my heart into everything I did. She mattered so much, only to die - at least, according to the rumors - to the hands of her own spouse. My life has been twisted into such a tragic tale, it’s almost like a farce comedy. 

Marni. Hell, I wouldn’t be a stretch to say I think I loved her. 

He wanted me out as soon as he saw me. She had fallen under a blood-related illness, certainly not contagious. This went further than someone being let in, I sensed. Was it grief? Guilt? I couldn’t tell. His energy was unreadable, his demeanor harsh, without an obvious set reason. There was an undeniable struggle - seems she’s learned something she wasn’t supposed to. Was he attempting to keep the repo men under wraps? Given how sheltered she was - watching the world through her window, I wouldn’t be shocked if she had been unaware.

There was nothing I wanted more than to meet my goddaughter, and beg her not to walk the same path I did. I wanted her to succeed. This is what Marni would’ve wanted, after all.

Perhaps it was connected to the reason I saw her at the show earlier - she wasn’t supposed to be there, was she? I understand.

My time is over tonight, regardless. I belong to geneco, and I owe them my eyes. 

This was the only opportunity I have ever gotten to speak to her. I can’t say whether or not I got through to her. I hoped I have, for she’s the closest one I have to marni, the one Marni trusted me with. I was supposed to be a part of her life, but Nathan had other plans. It was agonizing, really. I have nothing left to lose now, so I suppose I’ll go out with a final message. This show would be unlike any other, I’ll be sure of that. Tonight, I’m making an unforgettable statement. 

Nothing matters anymore, everything goes. Tonight will be my last.

Amber’s taunting from backstage fails to get to me, as usual. Some are surprised to hear, but I do my own makeup. I’ve spent many hours (days) perfecting my look. I was dressed and ready for the occasion - it was only a matter of time. I would pour my fucking heart out - then I’ll rip my eyes right out of the sockets, before the repo man can. All my life, I’ve been controlled. Not anymore! Who’s in control now, Geneco?

As I suspended in the air, I stared at all the people watching carefully as I sung my last few bars, clicking my long nails together in anticipation. I was on live tv, so the world would see everything raw, and unedited. You don’t see many people like that anymore - not that I’m one to talk. I’ve gotten extreme surgeries myself.

I took a deep breath. “I would rather be blind!” I finished off my song in such a perfect harmony. 

Rotti looked confused - this wasn’t in the original lyrics I showed him beforehand. I curled my lips into a tiny grin, before shoving my nails deep into my sockets, without hesitation or second thought. It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life - thanks to zydrate, I’ve had the luxury of not having much experience with it. I gasped for air, and ripped the eyes out of my sockets. Sharp stinging, warm blood running down my cheeks, the smell of carnage, the dizziness, my very stream of consciousness unsteady. It took a lot more tugging than I thought, but I didn’t give up until there were in my hands for me to show the crowd. I dropped feeling everything, then nothing at all.


End file.
